What Kind of Social Media Zombie are You?

Now that The Walking Dead is back on TV, some of us might want to be ready for a potential zombie apocalypse. If you work in social media, you’ve probably heard people complain about how our connectivity has turned many of us into “zombies” already. They see us looking at our phones, checking Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn constantly. But we are not all alike, and we cannot be categorized so generally.

Just in time to get into the Halloween spirit, here are 4 Social Media Zombie Personas. Which are you?

The Swarm

Movie: World War Z

Characteristics: Insectoid swarm behavior, sprinting to catch victims and spread infection

Like T-Virus, and the walking dead, this type of zombie has no known cause of outbreak. They destroy entire cities by collectively adding to their masses by infecting (and enveloping) everything they come across. Once a person is bitten, they are transformed within 12 seconds and develop a swarm mentality immediately.

This particular type of zombie is most like the hordes of young tweens who make Justin Bieber and One Direction trend on Twitter. Every. Single. Week.

They have a strong sense of loyalty, and stand behind each other through everything. Beware the swarms of Belieber zombies, and avoid their wrath. Even making this comparison makes me nervous, to be honest.

Image by Gianluca Ramalho Misiti
Image by Gianluca Ramalho Misiti

Rage Virus

Movie: 28 Days Later

Characteristics: Increased strength and endurance, uncontrollable rage.

The now iconic zombie virus in 28 Days Later was initially spread when an infected chimpanzee bit an animal rights activist, attempting to free it from a lab. Once a subject becomes infected, they are overcome with anger and will stop at nothing until their appetites are satisfied.

The Rage Virus is so powerful that a single drop of contaminated blood- usually transmitted by bites, can turn the affected within seconds. Blood vessels throughout the body rupture, and the rage takes over.

Your everyday garden-variety internet troll is like this; they like to begin arguments in online comment forms on social media sites, blogs and forums. These comments will usually deliberately provoke readers into an emotional response, disrupting conversations and wreaking havoc. Avoid trolls, and rage-infected zombies, with the same level of caution.

The Walking Dead

TV Show Inspiration: The Walking Dead

Characteristics: Increased endurance, loss of higher brain function, shambling gate and undying need to feed.

[WARNING: The following video contains Graphic Content. If you do not want to see zombies being decapitated, shot and destroyed, you may want to avert your eyes.]

It is never explained in the TV series how this virus was started, but all it takes is one bite to infect a person. The bite slowly kills the victim, who then re-awaken as the undead. These zombies are slow moving, and can be killed in hand to hand combat with blunt instruments, however they are extremely dangerous in large numbers.

Take a look at any city street, and this metaphor practically writes itself; scores of slow-moving hipsters, youngsters and business-atired folks shuffle about, staring intently at their phones. Smartphone technology is so pervasive, and we are so dependent on it, that we’ve practically become zombified for real.

Just looking around the office right now, I see people that fit this profile. There’s a guy shuffling toward me now, staring at his phone— he even has a pale complexion, probably from a lack of sunlight… Wait, is that blood coming from his ear?… Okay, guys I’m starting to pan… No… NO! Ahhhhhhhh! Nooooo…..